remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
