I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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