Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
