I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
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