I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
