i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
