the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize
