We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Quick, to the slutcave!
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
