I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
