Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
