My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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