goodnight i made you a song goodbye
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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