Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
