And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
this is an emotional support booty call
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
