I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Randomize
