I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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