Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
