the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
