So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
