i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
