My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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