I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
