I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
