So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
i am craving dick and cupcakes
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
