Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
