My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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