Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
