her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
