Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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