Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Randomize
