By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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