just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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