Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Randomize
