We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
