I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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