dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
