lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Randomize
