Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
