went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
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