I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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