Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
