3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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