If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
