overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Ketchup is God's man juice
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
