Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
