We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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