I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I didn't notice because vodka
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
