This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
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