you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
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