what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
