im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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