oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
