shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
These tits shall not be calmed
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
