did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
