What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
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