you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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