just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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