Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
People in love make me want to vomit
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
