hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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