Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
