laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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