I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
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